My Immortal: Commentary
by ViolinElectrician
Summary: Read if you dare! No, seriously. I'm sorry if I'm not that funny but I need to write something or my head will explode, so this is my compensation for writers' block. I put that the language is English, but that's just a guess.
1. Chapter 1

**I know. I know. **_**My Immortal **_**commentary. It's been done before. Maybe I'm not that funny. But I have a serious writers block, and I need to write something or I'll just fall over and die. So here we go. I'm rereading this story (which I have read **_**way**_** too many times for my own comfort) and as I go, I'll just write my thoughts in bold.**

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik **Is that an actual term that people use? I'm seriously wondering…**) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok **She would "rok" more if she actually did her job…**! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia **That explains **_**so**_** much; Dementia is the term used for loss of brain function.** Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name** Because her parents were psychic and predicted that she would have long ebony black hair her **_**whole**_** life…**) with purple streaks and red tips **Let me guess; those are natural?** that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears **So they're clear, then? You look blind?** and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie **That's right. Incest is the way to go**. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white **As opposed to what? Crooked and rainbow, I guess, because rainbows are for preps**. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England **It's in Scotland **where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen **Really?**). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell **Oh, no. I couldn't tell.**) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic **Which is conveniently located in the all-magic village of Hogsmeade** and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots **You know, I shop at Hot Topic, too, and I have never seen **_**any**_** of those things in there**. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation **But your skin is pale white**, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **There's a name for that; it's called sleet** so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. **What? So you wouldn't sparkle?** A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them **You are **_**so**_** classy**.

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... Draco Malfoy! **Epic plot twist!**

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly **I picture him rocking back and forth looking at the ground. Actually… I don't because I could **_**never**_** picture Draco like that**.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **How did you get friends? Oh, well, **_**cliffhanger!**_

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! **Okay, I'll tell you "fangz." **


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta **Really? She **_**helped?**_** Does she have Dementia, too?**! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!

The next day I woke up in my bedroom **Really? I usually wake up in Walmart**. It was snowing and raining **Sleet **again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had **Yes. She was holding it in her hand all night long**. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet **Wouldn't hot pink be considered a prep color?** with black lace **Oh, but there's black lace so it's okay** on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of **How do you take **_**of **_**something? **my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on **"I put **_**on**_** a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets **_**on**_**." Well, at least she used commas**. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears **Ouch**, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun **The **_**least**_** "goffik" hairstyle you possibly could have thought of**.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. **She woke up, grinned at someone she couldn't see, flipped her hair and **_**then **_**opened her eyes. **She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots **All whilst in her coffin**. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation **You have pale white skin **and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG. **Did she **_**say**_** "O-M-F-G," or did she say "Oh my f**king God?"** I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall **Makes me think they're right next to each other; like there's just some door going straight from the Slytherin common room to the Great Hall**.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted **And the whole Great Hall turns around to see what she's shouting about**.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me **Because he heard her screaming**.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily **I thought you didn't like him**.

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are **"Are having? **_**Are**_** having?" Really? Seriously?** having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.** Wow… Did anyone tell Good Charlotte (which is not really a band that could be considered "Goffik") that they were going to be playing in an all-magic village? I guess the ministry can bend the rules for Goffiks**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed **Again, the whole hall is staring**. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **I never could have guessed. Not that you screamed it to the **_**whole Great Hall…**_

"Well... do you want to go with me?" he asked **She said she doesn't like you Draco. No, she shouted it. **

I gasped. **Because she finally noticed that she was screaming loud enough for the whole hall to hear her.**


	3. Chapter 3

AN: STOP FLAMMING **Flamming? I'm not **_**flamming **_**anything. **_**Flaming?**_** Yeah, I'm flaming** DA STORY PREPZ OK! Odderwize **Odderwize. I'm going to use that now** fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte **I thought you did**.

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff **I know exactly what you're talking about. Corset stuff. What kind of idiot doesn't know what corset stuff is?** on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms **Notice the two **_**on**_**'s again**. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky **Okay**. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists **Yeah. That's what I do, too. Making my hair look all spiky really makes me depressed, so I just slit my wrists**. I read a depressing book **Probably Twilight, right? **while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black **Hopefully **_**after **_**your wrist stopped bleeding, right? **and put on TONS of black eyeliner **Cool, she's a raccoon-vampire-witch**. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. **Then what was the point in the last two chapters?** I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert **That's how everyone should get ready for a concert**.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car **Which isn't illegal for him because he's Draco Malfoy**. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt **Muggle band** (they would play at the show too **Oh, okay, the ministry stretched to rules for **_**two**_** bands**), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!** Yeah, who cares if Draco is a muggle-hating bigot! He can go around in eyeliner and muggle clothes from Hot Topic… a muggle store**).

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice **Why is there an exclamation point? Did you shout it in a depressed voice? I guess you did**.

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz **And then used the doors to get in once we realized that we weren't intangible and couldn't walk through magical car doors** (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs **You smoked drugs**. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. **Did you **_**land the car**_** first?** We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song **So glad that's cleared up**).

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung **You pointed to Draco or Joel as you said it?**, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. **I want to enter the story, b**ch slap Draco, and tell him to get back into his character. **

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face **She has a blonde face. Cool. That's how I remember it**.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz **Because the whole thing was so tiring and now they're going to drive a flying car**, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts **Good. That would've been bad. Driving into a building is never good**, instead he drove the car into... the Forbidden Forest! **Plot twist. Actually, somehow after reading this story as many times as I'm ashamed to say I have, that doesn't even surprise me anymore.**


	4. Chapter 4

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY **You know, I think I'll just go off myself right now** nut mary su OK!** Okay. Her name is "Enoby Nut Mary-Su." Got it.** DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting deferent **Defrent? What's deferent? Oh, deferent? Look that one up. I can't even describe how stupid this typo was**! dey nu eechodder b4 ok! **What does that even say?**

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously. **How is she still alive?**

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily **I'd be angry if I walked out of a flying car, too**.

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore **He's a keeper**.

And then... suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly **Actually, this makes sense. Keenly means eagerly or enthusiastically, but I doubt Tara knew that when she wrote this** against a tree. He took of **More taking of **my top and I took of his **Yep **clothes. I even took of **Okay **my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what **I do know what** and we did it for the first time **That's how it goes**.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed **Which shows that she has **_**never**_** had an orgasm before, because you don't scream as you **_**begin**_** to get an orgasm**. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then...

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was...Dumbledore! **I have no words. I should have seriously offed myself back when Ebony became Enoby.**


	5. Chapter 5

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! **Should I even try anymore? I have no choice. All I can do for this one is translate so it's readable:**

"**A.N. Stop flaming! If you flame, it means you're a prep or a poser! The only reason Dumbledore swore is because he had a headache, okay? And on top of that, he was mad at them for having sex! P.S. I'm not updating until I get five good reviews!"**

**What? No thank you to Raven for helping you? Or… supposedly helping you?**

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted.

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face **You swear like a sailor every five seconds; Dumbledore calls you a "ludacris (notice, please, that it is written in the style of the rapper's name) fool," and you cry tears of blood down your pallid face, which is shockingly the correct description for your pale white skin**. Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice **He's not mad that they were **_**in**_** the Forbidden Forest. He's mad that they were having **_**sex**_** in the Forbidden Forest—oh, excuse me; Sexual **_**intercourse.**_** And it's because of this he goes and tattles to McGonagall and Snape**.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces **Careful—Enoby is a cryer**?" asked Professor McGonagall.

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" **Yep, all that pent up anger. I would be angry. I mean, think about it. He walked out of a flying car, got caught having sex, then to top it all off, Dumbledore called him a 'ludacris fool,' and then McGonagall hit him with 'mediocre dunces.'**

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **Ah, Snape. Ever the sucker for love stories.**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us. **Did they follow you up the stairs glaring at you?**

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels **It's her outfit for when she's getting ready for bed**. When I came out...

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing "I just wanna live" by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room. **What? He didn't put his thingie in your you-know-what? **


	6. Chapter 6

AN: shjt **I don't know how to shjt **up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! **Then how did you manage to get past forty chapters anyway?**

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula **That sounds like a little kid cereal… **cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily** Why are you angry? You like blood**. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it **Right, because yelling at "hot" guys is forbidden**. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I **How did you go down his face? **was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore **How do you know he ever had glasses anyway?** and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore **She knows everything about this kid she just met**. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden **I'm having a hard time comparing Daniel Radcliffe and Joel Madden**. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. **Yep, I'm the sicko here.**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared. **The whole hall is staring again! Grumbled, giggled, confessed, whimpered, roared.**

We sat down to talk for a while** I don't believe it. That was actually a decent sentence**. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him **And the magic is over**.


	7. Chapter 7

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviews. **What was God thinking?** n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons **Vons?**! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U **Seriously? You know tattlers could be considered preps, right?**! Evony **I'm not even sure what Enoby's real name is anymore** isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake! **Don't talk about God that way. He was nice enough to review your story, so take what you can get.**

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs **How sweet**. I was wearing red Satanist sings **Okay** on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?) **No! It's normal. I guess it's magic, because her black nail polish is suddenly red!**. I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes **Really?**. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then...

We started frenching passively **Yeah, they were frenching (which I'm not even sure is a word) just because they felt like it. They weren't really interested in it, despite being quite enthusiastic last paragraph** and we took off **Off! I don't believe this! They took off instead of taking of! **each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top** I thought he took off your clothes already**. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) **Yes. If he put his boy thingy in **_**your**_** boy thingy, yes. It's very stupid.**

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm **There she goes screaming again** when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words... Vampire!

I was so angry. **Well, let's see. Harry's nickname is Vampire. You are a Vampire. How do you know for sure that the tattoo meant Harry?**

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much **You barely know how to spell off. Don't get too full of yourself**.

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **Well, since he already put his boy thingy in your boy thingy, you already have AIDS… **

I put on my clothes all huffily **Yes, she indignantly re-clothed herself** and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled. **And Snape just stood by while she screamed across his classroom. Forget the fact that Draco is standing there in the buff. **


	8. Chapter 8

AN: stop flassing **Ooh, we're at a new word! What does this one mean? **ok! if u do den u r a prep!

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back. **Why is Snape not turning them into toads right now?**

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly. **No, Draco. It's exactly what she thinks. Tattoos are permanent.**

My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly **Wow, you're having this rough time and your friend is sarcastically smiling at you? Great friends you got there, Enoby**. She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Hermione was kidnapped when she was born **Her **_**muggle**_** parents kidnapped her from her **_**vampire**_** parents** Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother **Yeah, well, Voldemort kills everyone, so** and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed **How come we never knew before that Hermione had nightmares about this?**. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. ) **Oh, now I understand. Hermione and B'loody Mary are the same person.**

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him **Snape would never use those words, but he needs to be careful throwing around insults. Enoby might cry. I mean, you saw what happened when Dumbledore called her a Ludacris Fool**.

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him. **I can. **

Everyone gasped. **Finally, some emotion from these people who just sit there while she screams across the hall.**

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me **It's because she's bipolar and demented**. I had went out **Had went out? Had went out? What? **with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony** I never would have guessed**) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.) **You are so logical.**

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility **Hear that? She's lost her masculinity. Well, that explains her boy thingy; but then, if she lost her virility, doesn't that mean it would have fallen off? **to Draco and then I started to bust into tears **Sounds painful**.


	9. Chapter 9

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox** You can read?**! dis is frum da movie **No. It's really not. But somebody only wrote this because they have the hots for Tom Felton.** ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers** You wrote it, but it's not your fault…**! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX!

**Translation:**

**A.N. Stop flaming, okay? I didn't read all the books! This is from the movie, okay? So it's not my fault if Dumbledore swears! Besides (I think it says besides) I said he had a headache! And the reason Snape doesn't like Harry now is 'cause he's Christian and Vampire is a Satanist! MCR ROCKS! **

**Love the random MCR outburst. Okay, Snape **_**cares**_** about Harry because he's in love with Harry's mom. He hates you because you rape the English language.**

I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. **That ought to make you feel better. **

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose **You just said that** (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic** How was that obvious?** It was... Voldemort! **You said that, too…**

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away. **I think that might be the right curse. Hold onto that because it's the only real spell you'll hear. **

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him.** I didn't plan that, but there you go…** Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. **Because a fluffy cat was clawing his face off. I don't know how Enoby got Hermione—excuse me, B'loody Mary's cat in the middle of the Forbidden Forest, though…** I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped. **Wow… You felt bad for him. Why? Because he has no nose? Or because he's not Goffik?**

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" **Thou? Okay, I'm sorry. I just fell off of my chair laughing. **

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? **That is definitely not it. **

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back. **He never told you his name… How did you know he was Voldemort?**

Voldemort gave me a gun. **Oh, my Slytherin. Just take me now.**"No! Please!" I begged. **You should've let Crookshanks claw his face off, Enoby. **

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" **Yeah. Screw wands. He'll call upon the powers of Queen Victoria to shoot your poor Draco. **

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way. **Same way you magically knew this nose-less guy was Voldemort.**

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis."**Yeah. He can move things with his mind. **he answered cruelly. "And if you doth **Doth?** not kill Vampire, then thou **Okay, he said 'you' just a second ago. What happened?** know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. **Yeah, Enoby. He'll shoot him. **Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. **I don't recall Voldemort having a broomstick… I'm having a hard time seeing him on a broomstick.**

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods. **How…? Were you, like, standing near the edge and he just, like, passed the first tree or something? Or did Voldemort move him there with his telekinesis? **

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!" **Rather cheerful for someone who just got ordered in Victorian speak that thou must shoot thou's beloved Draco. **

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) **No, I don't get it, Enoby… **between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

"Are you okay?" I asked. **Are you serious?**

"No." he answered. **Clearly.**

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. **So you **_**expelled**_** it, meaning you **_**didn't**_** include it in the conversation? **

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. **She snaps back fast… and Draco is surprisingly forgiving in this story.**


	10. Chapter 10

AN: stup it u gay fags **I'm bisezual—you'll get that later…** if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok! **B'loody Mary was never a muggle. **

**A.N. Stop it, you *** ***s. If you do not (or donut) like my story then f**k off! P.S. It turns out B'loody Mary (Hermione) isn't a muggle after all and she and vampire are evil. That's why they moved houses, okay?**

**Uh, well, I'm pretty sure you can't move houses even if you're evil, but, uh, way to give Slytherin a great name!**

I was really scared about Vlodemort **Who is Vlodemort? I thought you were scared about Voldemort and his telekinesis… **all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. **Can you say Mary-Sue? You can barely spell it, so I'm kind of wondering. **People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. **You sound like a dude?** The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it. **Oh, my gosh…**) and Hargrid. **Really? Hargrid too?** Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. **They're always depressed. **I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s **But you've said it before…**(there's no way I'm writing that) or a steak **Yep, you have to shove meat down his throat… or b**ch slap him with it…**) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. **Yes, you know those animated movies. So depressing. Didn't it have a happy ending?** I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. **I'm sure Simple Plan (one of the least Goffik bands you could've thought of) appreciates being on your a**…**You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. **Who would **_**ever**_** think that? **

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears. **Again, painful.**

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice. **No, she just busted into tears! She's in pain, moron! And you're talking in that stupid agreeing voice. Jerk. **

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears. **Wow. At least she didn't bust into tears again. **  
>Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. <strong>Spidey powers! <strong>

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?) **I think the Spidey powers might be kind of out of character.**

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying. **Stop crying. **

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache. **He found the aspirin, then?**

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. **He started to cry **_**wisely?**_(c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y** Okay… then…**) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists."**Who is Ebony Draco? Oh, I get it. You forgot the comma… But you said in **_**this **_**chapter (Paragraph one after A.N. Sentence Seven) that Draco couldn't die from slitting his wrists. **


	11. Chapter 11

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!** Srupid? No. Stupid? Yes. **1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! **None of this is serious **sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid **It's not ztupid either. Just stupid** brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me! **She hlepped you? Is that like humping because that sounds painful.**

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! **Obviously **B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself. **You cried yourself? Is that anything like peeing yourself? Oh, no. She soiled her face!** Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way. **Because Dumbledore isn't allowed in students' rooms. He's just, you know, the headmaster. **

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes **The tears or your wrist blood?** so I took them off **Your wrists? Oh, your clothes **and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. **You were messing with the radio while you got into the bath? Don't electrocute yourself** I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. **But then you realized that you can't stab yourself with a piece of meat **I was so fucking depressed! **I know…** I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. **Sandly. Oh, okay, that makes sense… I'm pretty sure that's not a word, but okay. That makes sense…** I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends **What?** and six pairs of skull earrings. **Ouch… **I couldn't fucking believe it. **Neither could I. You managed to fit six pairs of skull earrings in two piercings **_**and **_**you spelled earrings right! **Then I looked out the window and screamed... **What's new? **Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks. **Yes, I picture Snape taking a video of her in her **_**clothes**_** that she just put on (how dirty), and Lupin on his broom eating his dinner.**

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" **I'd go with or what, because you're wearing clothing sandly… **I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. **Over your clothing. **Suddenly Vampire ran in. **Oh, Vampire can run into your room while you're supposedly in nothing but a towel, but Dumbledore runs in when you're only in your clothes? Call the ministry!**

"Abra Kedavra!" **It didn't kill them because no one really knows what that spell does… **he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times** Really? A gazillion?** and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly...

Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!"

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT..." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" **I… I… What?**

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors."

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly. **I… what just happened?**

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly.** He did what? I can't not laugh right now.** "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!"

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood. **I totally know that feeling.**

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.

"BECAUSE...BECAUSE..." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. **What?**

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan. **What…?**

"Because I LOVE HER!" **Join the club, Hargrid. **


	12. Chapter 12

AN: stop f,aing **Huh?** ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu! how du u no snap iant kristian plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok! **Cedric? He died like… three years before **_**any**_** of this even happened. Oh, wait. I forgot what I was reading. **

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago had given me in case anything happened to him. **When did this happen?** He had told me to use it valiantly **Another correct word! **against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid but it was Vampire. **How do you confuse Vampire and Hairgrid's voices? **He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then... his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **His red whites. That makes so much sense. **

I stopped. "How did u know?" **How did he know his **_**face **_**hurts?**

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!" **He can see his own pain. **

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted. **How do you know he ever did?**

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." **Vampire fail** he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me!** No…** then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco...Volfemort has him bondage!" **Volfemort? Who is Volfemort and why does he have Draco burden? Wait… what?**

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. **You're a vampire. You don't need to go to a nurse. Just a few chapters ago, you were sitting in your bathroom reading a book while waiting for your wrists to stop bleeding… **Snap and Loopin and HAHRID** Who is Hahrid?** were there too. They were going to St. Mango's **St. Mango's? Really? **after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. **What does that have to do with St. Mango's? **Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera **Ew, did he try to poop on it or something?** they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them. **Can't do that anymore. They're at St. Mango's.**

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses. **I thought he was at St. Mango's. Oh, wait, that was Hahrid.**

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. **Typing Very is V. hard work… **serious voice, giving me the roses.

"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik.

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses." **Really?...**

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses. **Yes, Enoby. Foreshadowing joke; maybe you should take them to Biology Class.**

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong **Yes**) to it he added silently. **What? **

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly.

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! .

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely. **Oh, my goodness…**

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!" **Okay, the last part of that just sounded like some random Japanese song… Or the name of a Naruto character… **

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew he wasn't a prep. **"Into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black." A huge black flame that was black. I am shocked. **

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?" **Yeah, what the f**k is he, Hairgrid?**

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?" **Oh my—really, Enoby?**

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back. **I wasn't even aware that Dumblydore was there. **

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!" **What?**

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss. **Okay, well, as much as I appreciate that you're clean, I really don't need to hear what you change into every three minutes. **

"You look kawai, girl."** You spelled Kawaii wrong…** B'loody Mary said sadly. "Fangs (geddit** Yeah. You say it **_**every **_**chapter…**) you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. **You sucked your own blood? **I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time. **Well, you shot them a gazillion times so I don't think that will be a problem… **I went to some classes. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures.** Hair of Magical Magic Creatures? I can't even figure out what that class is supposed to be in canon…** He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. **Why does everyone pick on the Hufflepuffs?**

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way. **Really, now?**

We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then... we jumped on each other and started screwing each other. **Seriously? Oh, why am I even surprised… That's what you spend half this story doing anyway.**

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle **McGoggle?** who was watching us and so was everyone else. **If you can't beat the Horny Simpletons, why don't you join them?**

"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily. **You tried to screw him, too, Enoby.**

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then... his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **His red whites? Again?**

"NO!" I ran up closer.

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted. **Déjà vu…**

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco...Volfemort has him bondage!" **Didn't this **_**just **_**happen? **

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I **Oh, for the love of all things Holy. **


	13. Chapter 13

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin **Gelpin? Goodness gracious! What do you two do in your spare time?** me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG! **Flamigng? You've killed the Gerund. **

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared.

"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" we both yelled. Dumbledore came there.** Look! Three out of four times it was correctly spelled!**

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily. **Watch it, Dumblydore! Enoby is a cryer!**

"Volsemort has Draco!" we shouted at the same time. **First Voldemort had him, then Volfemort, now Volsemort… When does it end?**

He laughed in an evil voice. **Really? How?**

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged. **I think he'd actually be happier if you just left him.**

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn** He said worse in earlier chapters…** what Voldemort does to Draco. **Voldemort doesn't have Draco! Volsemort does! Get with the program! **Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony." **Just a couple chapters ago, he cried because Draco committed suicide **he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." then he walked away. Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!) **Of course, Gay guys are hot, but this is just stupid. **

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm **That's nothing compared to this **_**shit**_**storm**. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed. **Really? I expect that he pointed his finger in the air sandly. **

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then... suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair! **You're supposed to be at Volsemort's lair…**

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra"  
>It was... Voldemort! <strong>In his own lair? Get out of town!<strong>


	14. Chapter 14

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!

**A.N. F**k off, preps, okay? Raven, fangz for helping again. I'm sorry I couldn't update (I'm not) but I was de…per…ess…sssd… Oh, depressed, okay—I was depressed and I had to go to the hospital 'cause I slit my wrists. P.S. I'm not updating until you give me 10 God revo…i… Reviews! Reviews! Oh, hasn't God done enough!**

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD. **Yes, you must go to the bathroom while reading this chapter. It is extremely scary. Or… you know, Scray…?**

We ran to where Volcemort **They're always in the wrong lair **was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. **No, because it was Volcemort… **Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. Draco was there crying tears of blood. Snaketail was torturing him. Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail. **Wormtail?**

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. "." he said. **Dot, he said? **(in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok) **So does that mean that the Potters never died because Wormtail wasn't there to rat them out? I'm so confused, but I made a pun. **_**Rat **_**them out… Geddit? 'Cause Wormtail is a… rat…? Oh, my goodness. What have I become?**

"Huh?" I asked.  
>"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Snaketail. I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain. <strong>Oh, Enoby. You're so poetic. <strong>

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly. **Allow me to die from laughter now, visualizing him running in circles, flailing his arms, screaming "nooooo!" and then falling over randomly and dying. **

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. **He's dying… Dead…**Then... he started coming! **Really? It got him hot that Snaketail was dying so he started coming. **We could hear his high heels clacking to us. So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. **Through the walls, but I don't recall them having brooms. Didn't they apparate there?** We went to my room. Vampire went away **To feed on more poor Hufflepuffs**. There I started crying.

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah** And you're so stupid…**) and a really huge you-know-what and everything.

"Its so unfair!" I yielded. "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything."

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." answered Draco.

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away. **That was the most conceited conversation I've ever heard in my life. **


	15. Chapter 15

AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz! **Yeah. That'll suck for those preps…** fangz 2 raven 4 hlpein!

"Ebony Ebony!" shouted Draco sadly. "No, please, come back!"** Is he naked again? **

But I was too mad. **You're **_**always **_**too mad. **

"Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!" I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it. He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire. **Everything reminds you of Draco and Vampire…** I started to cry and weep. I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed. Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class. **It figures. The only class Enoby actually goes to, and they don't even have that class at Hogwarts—at least if you don't count Hair of Magical Magic Creatures… I don't count that one though because… Well, it's just stupid. **

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy **The word that describes this story **on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters. I put my ebony black hair out. **Was it on fire? You said you put it out… **Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. **Very usual…** I did sum advanced Biology work. **She's not just in a class that Hogwarts doesn't have. She's in an **_**advanced **_**class that Hogwarts doesn't have. **I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco! **Ah, Biology. The study of living things. **

"Enoby I love you!" he shouted sadly. **We know. He shrieked it in Chapter 3 or 4 or somewhere around there. I don't remember. This story is Anarchy.**"I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. **Believe me, she thinks that too. **Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. **You've done that, like, how many times already? **Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!." Then... he started to sing "Da Chronicles of Life and Death" (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) **Stop singing **right in front of the entire class! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson (AN: don't u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!) . **Have you ever **_**heard**_** Tom sing? He doesn't sound anything like any of those people… **

"OMFG." I said after he was finished. Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish **Just wait. The black nail polish will turn red** and were entwined with Draco's now) at them. "I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch **Stop talking about her, then!**) and CMM in a Cinderella Story **That is the **_**least**_** Goffik movie you ever could have considered **_**maybe **_**picking**. Then we went away holding hands. Loopin shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. **Cue Travis Garland, "Sexy Together."** Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether. **Seriously! Do these muggle bands **_**know**_** Hogsmeade is a magic village?**


	16. Chapter 16

AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz! raven u suk u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis! Raven wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis! BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese! **This is where the whole story goes to Hell. No, seriously. More than it already has. **

We ran happily to Hogsmede. There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly. **You were happy before. Stop saying it. **MCR were there playing 'Helena'. I was so fucking happy! **She said it. We know, Enoby!** Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. **Kill me. **I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. **At least the clothes descriptions weren't too long… **Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,... Volsemort and da Death Dealers! **Here we go… **

"Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!" I shouted angrily. "Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them" **You already did. **

"What cause we...you know..." he gadgetted uncomfortbli cause guys don't like to talk a bout you-know-what. **I don't know what planet you're from because guys I know **_**love**_** to talk about you-know-what… I want to know how he gadgetted, though.**

"Yeah cause we you know!" I yielded in an angry voice. **I know. **

"We won't do that again." Draco promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT." **…Cool… Not really…**

"OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?" I asked. "So I guess ur a prep or a Christina or what now?" **So because he wanted an escort so you wouldn't have sex (what?) he's a girl? Jeez, Enoby.**

"NO." he muttered loudly. **Muttering is the exact opposite of loud. **

"R u becoming a prep or what?" I shootd angrily. **He just loudly muttered no, Enoby!**

"Enoby! I'm not! Pls come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing 'Da world is black' by GC to me. **More singing. **

I was flattened **…how…?** cause that's not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me! **Or he just likes the band. **

"OK then I guess I will have to." I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room. **Yeah, if he sings to you, you have to go with him and his anti-sex escort. **

B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl." she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz 'how do u do' in japanese **I know…**). "BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math." **Well, duh. What's new? I mean, you go to classes—excuse me, **_**klasses**_** that Hogwarts doesn't have, and then you do work that you wouldn't have to do in that class even if Hogwarts did have it, and you're not failing, but because Raven doesn't tell you where your sweater is, she fails because she skipped another class that they don't have at Hogwarts…**(an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!)

"It serves that fuking bich right." I laughed angrily. **Because wizard math is just so badass. **

Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. "Maybe Willow will die too." I said. **Lovely.**

"Kawai." B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. "Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak." **Beautiful. I love how casual they are about it. "Oh, yeah. I killed her. So, this movie is great, right?" **

"Kawai." I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence **Oh my goodness, they're telepathic! **for da rest uv da movie.

"OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with drako **I thought you were going with Draco… **tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr." I sed. " I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA."

B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. "Omfg totally lets go shopping."

"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde. **You spelled card wrong… you spelled **_**card**_** wrong… **_**card.**_** It's a **_**four letter word,**_** Enoby. **_**Card.**_

"No." My head snaped up.

"WHAT?" my head spuin **Ow**. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?" **Because she doesn't want to go to Hot Topic? I wonder what she would say if I told her they sold Justin Bieber t-shirts at Hot Topic… **

"NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all."

"Hu told u abut them" I askd sure it would be Drako or Diabolo or Vampire(don't even SAY that nam to me!). **I won't. **Or me.

"Dumblydore." She sed. "Let me just call our broms."

"OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?" I asked quietly. **I would've shouted it. That's what you usually do. **

"Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk." She told me. "Come on let's go." **Wow. **

We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. **They just put them up and take them down after the concert. **The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE and he gave me a few dresses. "We only have these for da real goffs."

"Da real goffs?" Me and B'Loody Mary asked.

"Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch." He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera."

"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit. **Are you bipolar or something?**

"Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit" The salesperson said. **She will. **

"Yeah it looks totlly hot." said B'Loody Mary.

"You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?" he asked.

"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's ebondy dark'ness dementia TARA way what's yours?" **Oh come on. At least **_**try**_** to get your _own_ name right.**

"Tom Rid." He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. "maybe I'll see you there tonight."** Tom Rid… Tom **_**Rid.**_

"Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!" I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him **conceited**, Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. "OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!" **Okay, Hargrid.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Let me just say that this is my favorite chapter of the whole story. I think you'll see why.**

AN: I sed stup flming da stryo! **I'm not flming da stryo… **if ur a prep den dnot red it! **I don't need to red it. My spell check is doing a mighty fine job of that.** u kin tel weder ur a prep or not by ma quiz itz on ma hompage. **You have a quiz? I can tell I'm not a Goffik because I'm not as stupid as you. **if ur not den u rok. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! **How do I foooook uffffffffff?**pz **Pz?** willo isn't rely a prep. Raven plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr!** She wasn't really doing much to begin with.**

Tom Riddle gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual **See Chapter 10. I made a reference**). Hargird kept shooting at us to cum **Really? Really? You made a mistake like **_**that?**_ back 2 Hogwarts. "WTF Hargrid?" I shouted angrily. "Fuck off you fjucking bastard." Well anyway Willow came **Magically back to life**. Hargird went away angrily. **Everyone is always angry.**

"Hey bitch you look kawaii." she said.

"Yah but not as kawaii as you." I answered sadly cause Willow's really pretty and everything. She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots that showed off how pale she wuz. She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic.

"So r u going 2 da concert wif Draco?" she asked. **I thought she had already… Déjà vu. **

"Yah." I said happily. **Happy.**

"I'm gong with Diabolo." she anserred happily. Well anyway Draco and Diabolo came. They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2. Diabolo was wearing a black t-shirt that said '666' on it. He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin Manson. Draco was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from da Warped tower. B'loody Mart was going 2 da concert wif Dracola. Dracola used to be called Navel but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. They dyed in a car crash. Navel converted to Satanism and he went goth. He was in Slitherin now. He was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him Dracula now. Well anyway we al went 2 Draco's black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) that his dad Lucian gave him. We did pot, coke and crak **You spelled Crack wrong… And… Coke and Crack are the same thing, unless you're snorting Coca Cola or something**. Draco and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps. We soon got there...I gapsed. **No more gasping, please?**

Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn't Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose and red eyes... Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came. **Yeah, something about those red eyes and that nose-less-ness got them all hot. **It was...Vlodemort and da Death Deelers! **I swear this happened before.**

"U moronic idiots!" **Don't cry, Enoby **he shooted angstily. "Enoby, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now...I shall kill thou and Draco!" **Yeah. He hath telekinesis! **

"No no please!" We begged sadly but he took out his knife. **How much you want to bet the knife turns into a gun later… or a womb?**

Sudenly a gothic old man flu **Yes, he sneezed all over Vlodemort, or my personal favorite, Volfemort** in on his broomstick. He had lung **he was coughing obviously. He had the flu **black hair and a looong black bread. **Bread**? He wus werring a blak robe dat sed 'avril lavigne' on da back. **The only correctly spelled words in that sentence were Lavigne, Avril, back, robe, He and the ever so complex… a…** He shotted a spel **He **_**shotted**_** a spell… **and Vlodemort ran away. It was...DUMBLYDORE!** I have nothing to say… That is pretty self explanatory, right there. **


	18. Chapter 18

AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING! **I never flammed anything, Enoby!** if u do den ur a fuken prep! fangz 2 raven 4 da help n stuf. u rok! n ur nut a prep. fangz for muh sewter! ps da oder eson dumbeldor swor is koz he trin 2 be gofik so der! **First he had a headache, then he didn't, now he's Goffik. **

I woke up the next day in my coffin.** Where else?** I walked out of it **You walked out of it? How?** and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow** Eyesharrow?**, blood-bed **Bed? **lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly. I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it.

(Da night before Draco and I rent **It just gets worse** back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth **Unfortunately, yes, Enoby. I do get it…**). Dumbeldore chased Vlodemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the broom-stuff **Broom-stuff? **was blood-red. There was lace all over it. Draco had a black MCR boom **Boom? I have no more sarcastic comments left for this drivel, but I'll try**. We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a Linkin Park song.) **Oh, and he put his boy thing in your boy thing? **

Well anyway I went down to the Grate **Seriously? **Hall. There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould **You can tell that Raven has died or something **see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant. And there were pastors **Yep, you know those pastors. Always preaching Backstreet** of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys.

"WTF!" I shouted going to sit next to B'loody Mary and Willow. B'loody Mary was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Chraloote **I'm thinking of another country now** t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. Willow was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs and black boots and fishnets. Vampire, Dracula and Draco came. We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong. The boys joined in cause they were bi. **That's great. You girls and your boyfriends are talking about hot guys. **

"Those guys are so fucking hot." Navel was saying as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything came **And everything. I totally know what 'and everything' is**. He was the same one who had chassed **Chassed? He chassed Vlodemort away? **away Vlodemort yesterday. He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation **Then how do you know he had tan skin?** and he had died his hare black. **Oh, my goodness! He died his large rabbit black. **

"...DUMBLEDORE?1!" we all gasped. **I gasped with you. **

"WTF?" I shouted angrily. "I thought he was just wearing that to scare Volsemort!" **No, he wore it to scare Vlodemort.**

"Hello everyone." he said happily. "As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?" **I **_**fink **_**it's **_**srupid**_**. **

Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer. Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted **What is disfusted? **and shook our heads. We couldn't believe what a poser he was!1. **You're a poser, with your Hot Topic and your corset stuff and your pink metal shoe stuff and everything. **

"BTW you can call me Albert." HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes. **Albert? He changed his name from Albus to Albert. That's great. So Goffik. **

"What a fucking poser!" Draco shouted angrily as we we to Transfomation. **Transfor…mation… Do they go to any classes that would actually **_**be**_** at Hogwarts?** We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard **Nobody would have gotten that**) but I didn't say anything. "I bet he's havin a mid-life crisis!" Willow shouted. **He's seventeen… He's barely at his one-fifth-of-life crisis. **

I was so fucking angry. **You always are.**


	19. Chapter 19

AN: plz stup flaming da story if u do ur a foken prep n ur jelous ok!11 frum noq un im gong 2 delt ur men reviowz! **All gazillion? **111 BTW evonyd a poorblod so der!1 fangz 2 raven 4m da help!11 **Hear that? They're all poorblods. **

All day we sat angerly finking **You fink, girl** about Dumbelldore **Dumbell-dore? Wow**. We were so fucking pissed off. Well, I had one thing to look forward too- da MCR concert. It had been postphoned, **What?** so we could all go **Convenient**.

Anyway, I went to the common room sadly to cut classes. **You're sad that you're cutting class? You should be happy! No Hair of Magical Magic Creatures!** Draco was being all secretive.

I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty (rnt sensitve bi guyz so hot). **Not after you read this story.**

"No one fucking understands me!1" he shouted angrily as his black hare **Does everybody have a hare? **went in his big blue eyes like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Borken Dreamz. He was wearing black baggy paints, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik **And stupid**) I was wearing a blak leather low cut top with chains all over it all over it a blak leather mini, black high held boots and a cross belly fing **But you're a vampire. You can't wear crosses**. My hair was al up in a messy relly high bun like Amy Lee in Gong Under. (email me if u wana see da pik** I don't**)

"Accuse me? What about me!" I growled. **He didn't accuse you of anything.**

"Buy-but-but-" he grunted. **Is he constipating a cideo camera?**

"You fucking bastard!" I moaned. **Did he get you all hot and make you have a chick erection?**

"No! Wait! It's not what it fucking looks like!" he shouted.

But it was to late. I knew what I herd. **It is always too late with you **I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring **Oh, no, Draco. She's cring. You'd better do something, quick**. Draco banged on the door. I whipped and whepped **That sounds gross **as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois (raven that is soo our video!). I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot. **You smoked pot out of a cigarette end? Where did she even get a cigarette end from? And you can't do that without a… I give up. **

Suddenly Hargrid came. He had appearated. **Again. **

"You gave me a fucking shock!" I shouted angrily dropping my pot. **Oh, no… The poor… pot… Ah, I don't care.** "Wtf do you fink you're doing in da gurl's room?"

Only it wasn't just Hargrid. Someone else was with him too! For a second I wanted it 2 b Tom Rid or maybe Draco but it was Dumblydore. **Pedofiles! Serious isshus! Viewer Excretion Advised!**

"Hey I need to ask you a question." he said, pulling out his black wanabe-goffik purse. **What Goffik guy carries a purse? Oh, I suppose that's why he's a wannabe… ** "What are u wearing to the concert?"

"U no who MCR r!" I gasped. **Most people do…**

"No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of gothz and punx were going 2." He said. "Anyway Draco has a surprise for u." **How did Hargrid know that?**


End file.
